A Modest Request to Pipe the Fuck Down


There comes a point when you have to say something about it – whatever it may be. I’ve been fretting over one it in particular for the past several months: trying to determine how best to request that people kindly, to quote the words of one Jenna Marbles: Pipe the fuck down – and stop correcting my German.

It’s all about modesty, you see. I believe one can only be modest up unto a certain point.

I’m not naive when it comes to my level of German, I just try not to get punched in the face by talking about it. It’s advanced for the amount of time I’ve spent learning. Great.

However, despite repeatedly coming to Germany over the span of four years and having listened time and time again to the yo German is ridiculous loop as it – without fail – plays out in every conversation with every new acquaintance I’ve ever made – this is not an exaggeration, and really, it’s beginning to get quite old – and knowing full well the extent of my own knowledge of the German language, it still feels like I’m stamping my forehead with ARROGANT when I say, please cut it with the crap.

Which I really shouldn’t, because in Germany speaking bluntly doesn’t require a justification or an apology from the speaker for having had to make such a blunt statement.

So screw it. Stop correcting me. Why? Because it feels to me – and here I’m talking specifically about my presence on Youtube – like I’m always being graded. Now, there’s one thing about grading the quality of a video and its content, another about grading based on number of syllables incorrectly articulated: this where only 2 mistakes means yo German’s still ridiculous, but 2 whole mistakes means yo German’s getting worse man.

So to put it bluntly: I will not under the guise of false modesty, allow myself to be subjected to ill-proposed “suggestions for improvement” which would, were I to heed such nonsense, render me a German-speaking gynoid circa the era of Bismarck.

Even Doctor Faust had 24 years to get his shit together. I’ve only been learning German for 4.5 years. I have time to improve, but for now I’m pretty content with my level and have enough resources and experience to correct myself. So pipe the fuck down.


This blog is a summary of the video „Eine bescheidene Bitte“ (German), which I posted to my YT-channel on May 22, 2013: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ggyby7DQW7M.


Eine Antwort to “A Modest Request to Pipe the Fuck Down”

  1. db Says:

    Yeah, the internet is full of people who can offer criticism and yet never seem to create anything themselves, or try anything, or do anything where they themselves might be criticised.

    If it interests at all, I got here from youtube and – if it’s any consolation – I thought your videos were interesting, useful and amusing… I came across them looking for some advice in regards to learning German as I started only about a month or so ago. Found the ‚listen to music/read books/listen to German speech even if you don’t understand it all‘ rather useful. Although, I must ask, is it normal to have nightmares about past tense irregular conjugation?!

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